Are you in a relationship with an emotional manipulator?\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

There are many reasons that could have led you to this question, very few of them good. And it\u2019s never a fun time for me writing these kinds of articles either, however necessary they happen to be.<\/p>\n

Always, I think of who\u2019s at the other end and being aware that a good portion are reading this with either a suspicious heart or a broken one.\u00a0<\/p>\n

Those are heavy burdens, so I hope you find your answers here. If not that, at least some comfort.\u00a0<\/p>\n

So here, the 10 signs that you\u2019re in a relationship with an emotional manipulator:<\/p>\n

They make you feel cornered<\/h2>\n
If you often feel like you need to do something for them unless you want something to go wrong. If they make you feel like it\u2019s all-or-nothing with them all the time.<\/p>\n
They use guilt as their weapon to make you do things you aren\u2019t comfortable with, be in situations you don\u2019t want to be in or interact with people you don\u2019t want to.\u00a0<\/p>\n
1) They often give ultimatums<\/h3>\n
Ultimatums give you the illusion of a decision, but truthfully, you are being coerced towards a particular outcome.<\/p>\n
I can\u2019t dismiss that there are ultimatums<\/a> that aren\u2019t inherently bad (like if you\u2019re affirming your boundaries) but ultimatums can tumble so quickly into constant and abusive territory just the same.<\/p>\n
Some examples are:<\/p>\n
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They use breaking up or divorce as a threat. Often.\u00a0<\/li>\n
\u201cIf you love me, you\u2019ll\u2026\u201d statements.\u00a0<\/li>\n
\u201cIf you want me to be happy, you\u2019ll\u2026.\u201d statements.<\/li>\n
\u201cIf you don\u2019t sleep with me, I will\/won\u2019t\u2026\u201d statements.<\/li>\n
\u201cIf you don\u2019t give me money, I will\/won\u2019t\u2026\u201d statements.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n
2) They often cross your boundaries\u00a0<\/h3>\n
Without your consent<\/a>, they often include you in activities you have explicitly said that you are not comfortable with.\u00a0<\/p>\n
I\u2019m not talking about wanting you to try new things to broaden your horizons, I\u2019m talking about them wanting you to be uncomfortable AND relishing in it.<\/p>\n
It\u2019s about control, as you will learn from this list. This is what they want. This is what will make them feel powerful.\u00a0<\/p>\n
The ability to control you, your decisions, your reactions, and your emotions.\u00a0<\/p>\n
They make you second-guess yourself\u00a0<\/h2>\n
They make you feel like you\u2019re not making the right decisions. They make you doubt your own mind.\u00a0<\/p>\n
They make you feel like ONLY they know what\u2019s true and what\u2019s right.\u00a0<\/p>\n
3) They gaslight you<\/h3>\n
Gaslighting. They make you question your reality, like you\u2019re crazy. Like, \u201cThat couldn\u2019t possibly be true!\u201d<\/p>\n
Like, \u201cYou probably remembered it differently!\u201d or \u201cThat can\u2019t be right, I know what I saw.\u201d<\/p>\n
Or they could say that you\u2019re exaggerating it to make them look bad.\u00a0<\/p>\n
Being gaslighted is a nasty and slimy feeling, you feel like you\u2019re not even safe within your body. You feel like you\u2019re making mountains out of molehills.\u00a0<\/p>\n
In my early 20s, I dated someone who used gaslighting language on me and I didn\u2019t even know it. I was telling him that I didn\u2019t appreciate the way he was neglecting me as a partner, he was MIA for days at a time.<\/p>\n
No calls, no texts, no anything.\u00a0<\/p>\n
But he told me with a scoff, \u201cNeglected? Really? When did I neglect you? Are you sure?\u201d<\/p>\n
I doubted myself. Told myself I was being dramatic. Told myself he was busy.<\/p>\n
Now nearing my 30s, I know better, and lived experiences have made me detect bullsh*t from a mile away.\u00a0<\/p>\n
4) They make you feel insecure<\/h3>\n
There\u2019s always that feeling of inadequacy\u2014as if they might replace you at any given moment. They make you feel like they can drop you at any time.<\/p>\n
They make you feel like they\u2019re the best you\u2019re ever gonna have. They\u2019d make it seem like no one will love you the way they do or no one would love you at all.<\/p>\n
Sometimes, they\u2019d make it seem like they\u2019re doing you a favor for putting up with you.<\/p>\n
Quick author note: Don\u2019t let anyone make you feel like you\u2019re not worthy of love, because you are. You deserve the kind of love you want, bestie.<\/p>\n
They don\u2019t take accountability<\/h2>\n
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