Female reproductive rights has been a hot topic since the 1960s when the birth control pill was invented. Married couples only though, because why would a single woman need birth control?? If she’s any kind of lady she isn’t having sex. Yet it’s always been completely ok for men to be sexual creatures, ring or no ring. (Although since US sodomy laws weren’t technically revoked until a Supreme Court hearing in 2003, one wonders with whom unmarried men were having sex with if single women weren’t supposed to being having sex and having sex with another man was technically against the law). But then it was all better in 1972 when the courts allowed all women of all marital status to have legal access to birth control pills. And things got even better just a year later when the courts allowed women legal access to abortions. So everything’s fine, right? We’re all equal now!
Oh wait, Roe v Wade got overturned, so now American women have to fight for their rights with 51 different state courts.
Conversations about women having legal access to all forms of birth control (including termination) should never stop. But today, I am here to introduce a new chapter of this topic that no one else is talking about:
We, the women, need to start redefining what sex is for us as a matter of reproductive rights.
Let me explain. We live in a patriarchal society, which means that our history is told by men and our society is structured by men. To be clear, I am not saying that all the men alive today are evil and plotting to control women. This social construct has been in existence for as long as history goes back. It’s just the way we’ve always done things. But now that women are finally getting traction on our independence, it’s vitally important that we recognize our inherent patriarchal social programming.
Like with sex. We have all been told that sex is a penis penetrating a vagina until the man has an orgasm (because the female orgasm has always been looked at as a bonus). We even have names for the “other” types of sex, always quantifying that these types aren’t “real” sex: oral sex, anal sex, hand jobs, etc. However, the female experience of sex is sooooo much more than penetration. In fact, 81.6% of women cannot achieve an orgasm through penetration alone. The male orgasm is mostly physical, but the female orgasm is mostly emotional. So if that emotional connection isn’t there, it is virtually impossible for a woman to cum (which is why she likes to connect first through talking, guys). And what about same sex partners? Do we actually believe that two female partners aren’t “really” having sex just because it isn’t the standard penis-in-vagina variety? And what about disabled persons who do not have the same mobility as an abled person? Do we really believe that those partnerships do not have sexual intimacy?
The truth: sex is an intimate exchange between people. Sex is a connection of mind, body, and soul that you share with another person.
And it is so vitally important that women start speaking up about what sex is for them, because it completely changes the whole conversation around reproductive rights. Because we only get pregnant if a man cums inside of us. So if penetration isn’t the best part of sex for us and we also do not want to get pregnant, then why are we allowing the male orgasm to happen inside of us? Because we have a subconscious belief that in order for it to be true sex, real sex, actual sex, that penetration to completion of the male orgasm must happen.
It is a beautiful thing to have birth control options as a woman, but we also have to be honest about how our birth control options are way more invasive than the birth control options for men.
- The pill tricks our bodies into being pregnant all but 1 week a month with artificial hormones & needs to be taken every single day at the same time. So if you go on vacation in Figi, he gets to sleep through the night while you have to set an alarm for 2am every day to take your pill so “we” don’t get pregnant.
- IUD placement is excruciatingly painful. It can cause 2 week long periods and extra cramps (which I know from personal experience). They can become dislodged and cause internal bleeding & an emergency surgery.
- Implants. I feel like this is self-explanatory. More things injected into us or placed inside of us.
- Abortions are medical procedures that you need to be put under local anesthesia for.
- Men just have to slip a condom on their penis.
Ladies, if you are tired of having only semi-fulfilling sex, start talking about what sex is for you. You deserve to have mind blowing sex that sets your toes on fire because it is the crucial missing piece from the reproductive rights movement.
Amanda is a life coach for moms, teaching women the tools to liberate themselves off the back burner through her company F*ck It Mothering. On top of working with clients one on one, she also produces a podcast where moms get mind blowing truth bombs, inspiration, and encouragement. She is a single mom to 4 girls, lives in sunny Wisconsin, and spends her free time reading, going on walks with her dog, Chewbacca, and laughing way too loud. Follow her on Instagram @https://www.instagram.com/fckitmothering/
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